this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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