the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
