You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
