Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
