White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
