you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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