I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
