Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
