Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
