can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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