so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
