For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
