I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
