you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize