Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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