You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
