omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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