are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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