I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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