I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
honey bunches of taint.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
