I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
