stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
