I hope mine doesn't look like that
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
