I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
