My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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