i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
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For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
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So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
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