Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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