i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
