he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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