Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
