I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
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My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
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I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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