She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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