What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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