Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
