wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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