god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
