Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
