I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
