she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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