I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize