I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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