handjob tips. give me some.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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