in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
