I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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