Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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