upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
