i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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