He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
