the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
