I just pynch a tree in the face
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
