I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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