Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
