Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you didnt know i had herpes?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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