She went from zero to smokin in five shots
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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