It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sorry about my life...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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