I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You've changed since you got that strap on
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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