Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We have started to decorate penises.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
