I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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