Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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