okay pat passed out under dana's car
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
