Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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