I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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